Broken book of dreams.

Johen takes half the sandwich, as Tot snatches up the other and a slim-jim, while Kuu grabs out all of the sweet goodies, leaving the pudding behind. I take my cream-soda, and drink it spareingly, I miss my old friends. My old school.
See, I used to sit with two girls, and a butch lesbian. Now I sit with two guys and a femme lesbian. Kinda opposite, Kinda not. Again, I am the new girl. Johen and Kuu having known eachother long before meeting me, and Tot being more orientated with them than I'll ever be, I guess. I'm just the "new kid" and Johen has already promised me that as soon as I get dull, They'll replace me. While these three bicker and discuss about their week, their problems and desires, I sit their like a sponge. An invisible sponge. Absorbing everything that passes by me, learning, growing, calculating, before expelling what is not needed, of course, to me, it is all needed.

The bell rings, too soon as usual, and I trudge upstairs, lost amongst the rest of the kids. A tear drop into the river. Invisible, undistinguished, unseen. I make my way up the crooked stairs, and sit down in my class, on auto-pilot. Tot has a lover, hooray for her. Johen constantly mentions how his girlfriend wont put out, boo-fucking-hoo, it's called taking it slow. Kuu complains about his girlfriend, dump the ho, and get a decent female. Simple solutions. However, I do envy them. They picked partners whom they can see every day, I however, though very happy with my pick, chose the great boy who lives a little while away. I see him rarely.

It is before I know it, that the day is over, my mind numb with both useful and useless information, as I begin to descend those same stairs and push open the cold metal and glass doors, I grab my phone and switch it on. I immediantly text Jayson, and then shut it off, before tucking it in my back pocket. Relief flows through me. It's the weekend, no school, no drama, just me, a TV, phone and computer. All I need for right now. When I get into the van, my mother has an odd expression on her face with which I cannot understand, what is going on? We drive home, exchanging little tid-bits of our day, my day as bland as year-old stale cooked oatmeal. I come home, my phone vibrates,
"Hey! " <--Jayson. I reply instantly, on my new.. smart-phone,
"Can we skype today?" I ask so quickly it must've startled him because,
"Well.. no love, I'm sorry. Dad's making me go on a fishin trip again." I frowned.
Great, no Jayson this weekend, is equivelent to no joy this weekend. Rinca would be at her dads, Innjeh, busy with soccer.. and I, alone.
9:36pm
Mom had just got off the phone with Mrs. Fio, Jaysons mother, and told me that they couldn't make it next weekend.. that and the Steward Littles would show up sometime maybe. fucking great, my heart fell another two miles, but.. I couldn't feel that way. They have a life, jobs, friends, it isn't their fault. Plus the Littles only wanna spend time even if its a five hour drive.
"Okay Mom, well.. I'm going to go to bed.."
"Kay dear," she gives me a weird smile, what is up with her?
I open the glass door to step out back, when their is a knock at the door. "Here already?" I mutter. Why would NC people drive all the way out here, on a Friday?
When suddenly... THERE HE IS!!! D:
Jaysons Mother, followed by his sister, then father, and finally himself, walked in.
"Wh-what?" I stammered, the breath in me flew out, and my heart fell still.
This is a joke right..? A joke? Jayson is.. here??? Really!!!
My body filled with a timid and great energy, fear followed, I ran. Out the back door, around the yard, hopped the fence and sped all the way around to the front door, panting and in my PJs, I lean against the door.
"Where's Kendra?" Mrs. Fios Scottish accent chimes,
"I don't know," My mom answers.
Dear god.. they.. they're here!!! Jayson is here!

I spaz, and quickly open the door, but silently. Sneak up behind Jayson and wrap my arms around him tightly. The joy that I felt, almost killed me. I felt like bubbles were fizzing in my veins, that my heart was on cocaine, that my cheeks were alive with fire,
"Jay!!!" I squeeled.
"Hey love," He smiled.
"I dont.. you were.. the boat.. what.. I don't..." then it all hit me.
I pushed myself away from him, and stared daggers (friendly ones) at my mother.
"You set me up!" I hollard, she only grinned.
"Dad was texting the directions, you were confirming it!!! And you!" I spun around at Jayson, "Have a good trip to the lake?" I growled, but all in good fun, and they knew it.
"Yup," Jaysons laugh almost made me cry, I leapt up and wrapped my arms around him once more, squeezing him.
"I can't believe you're here.." I cried, softly...
He held me tightly,

Thus begining, my most amazing weekend ever..

i'm so happy for you!~:] i'll try to call you sunday cause thats my day off;]

That's awesome!

It looks like you are not the only trickster around. Hehe.

that laughing face is weird<.< but first band compition this weekend and we are going to wipe the floor with those peopleXD

Momo, I am coming to see you and Kat tomorrow >w> Trickster Regained her points~

we got all seconds and one first place not bad for the 1st competition :3

and that was fun Luna~ you need to come up again or we need to come down sometime^^

Congrats on the competition!

Jayson and I spent the weekend together, it was amazing! Never before had I felt such joy, other than the very first time Rinca spent the night at my house, on the eve of our first day of school for sophmore year... I wrapped my arms around myself as I thought of this.
The night Jayson had arrived, everyone was tired. So, I showed him and his sister Ammy around before dragging Jayson upstairs glad as hell I had cleaned hours earlier. I whisked Jay around and eventually pinned him to my bedroom floor.
It was a little weird, nothing sexual or bad, just... weird. As I held him to the floor of my room, a strange vibe of energy flowed from me into him, and him into me, I stared into his eyes, and he laughed. Though it may have been just a couple seconds, it felt like an eternety. He wrestled me off and in turned pinned me agaisnt my dresser, although again, he was just goofing off and I smiled, letting him do so.
"I missed you," I whimpered. Suddenly there was a stinging in my eyes as tears began to form.
"I missed you too, love." He leaned in and kissed me. My heart almost exploded at that second.
I know, I know, it's a little cliche, the whole fireworks and pop-rocks emotion. The gooey, heart melty stuff, but you know what? This is what I felt.
When his lips touched mine, it was a shock. A jolt kind of. I became hypersensitive to the world, and yet dead. My heart did ache with a strong sense of tenderness, because his kiss was so soft, and his hands so strong, the contridiction only made my head swim. I was not overcome with the girly crud of "Oh M G he's the one! I love him!" nor did I have the desire to act like some shy idiot, so I kissed him back. It was little, just a brush of the lips, but that meant the world to me.
"I love you, hehe" I giggled and nuzzled his neck. With his arms around me, I could breathe easy for once. I also noticed, my usual pain that kept me in alretness, had vanished. The aches and pains I'd get in my body, the blood that would occasionally spur up, my head splitters, my body freezes, all the symptoms stopped. I felt amazing. Free of pain, happy as can be, I just held Jayson close to me, closer than I could ever hold myself. I never wanted this moment to go,
I'm not sure what he felt, but to me... this was so much more than I could ask for.. so.. so much more. I didn't know what was on his mind, and sometimes that scared me. That night, we played deadspace: Extraction on my red wii, and laughed as he killed off the monsters. My little pansy is afraid of zombies~

I would tease him though, while he was playing. Trying to distract him by nipping his shoulder, or tickling his sides, both of which worked very well! ^^
I remember how soft his skin was, how sharp his scent was, the mellowness in his voice, nyahhh~ i felt as though I were a wolf, and he were my prey. He didn't know it, but everytime he moved I had the strongest urge to pounce him~ nyah nyah. If there were a way to put pure happiness into words, I would so do it now, I want you, dearest, to understand me. But you never will, no one can, and that my love is something meant only for me to understand :3

The days that have passed, have only brought about further realization. My thoughts have been brewing and storming around in my brain, the blue demon continues to seep its little fangs into my thoughts and cause me to have horrible bouts of pain.
I think about all that has happened, and how lucky I am to still be here. How lucky I am to have friends like Rinca and Momo, Tot and Johen, Kuu... I'm unsure of how I think of Kuu...
I'm so lucky to have Jayson, and even luckier to be his, of all the darkness in my past, these little candles have stood out and shone in great light. No one will understand the things I feel, I guess, but... the pain inside my body, both physical and mental, and emotional, are easing... but I dare not fool myself, I know I am not cured, I know what lies in store for me,
and so... I will treasure these memories and happy days for as long as I can,

My heart is feeling shakey, my lungs often sting, my eyes water with sorrow, and my tongue is bitter with hurt. I just want to be normal, I just want to be okay, I want to see the light of tomorrow, I want to be here today! Please my friends, remember me, and laugh as we once did, please my love don't hate me... for vanishing like I did.. my absence in this world, may or may not affect you, but I can never forgive myself, for having hurt you as bad as I did. I love you okay? Is that fine? I'll always miss you too... dead or alive, here or gone, I'll always be here, with you.

;^; thats so sad

Today, was Twin Tuesday. I dressed up in all black with a snazzy hair-do, and came to school. It was a rainy, cold day, one that made no difference to me. I arrived at school, and as I counted my steps through the huge facility, I noticed a pain in one of my legs. I ignored it, and continued on.
First Period
We did our warm up, daily corrections. And then, we had to go take health screenings. I did mine already, but as I waited for the rest of my class to be screened, I remembered how mine felt. Gloved hands on me, sterile scent in my nostrils, I was so worried someone would notice, my temperature being higher, my heart beat irregular, my sight too good, my body too pain sensitive, I was afraid someone would know. But, i guess doing this to a hundred students today, I was still safe from being exposed. I refused to be the medical freak again, I refused to have people I already have begun to care about, learn my horrific secret.
Sighing, I checked my nails. Left hand was painted green, blue, purple, blue, green. Right hand was painted orange, pink, red, pink orange. Rainbow.
"I miss you" I murmured.
"what was that?" asked Ryler.
"Nothing!" I studdered, turning around. Mew.
Walking back to class, with Coach C, I suddenly collapsed, or well.. knew I was going to,
My legs felt very weak, and pained, so when the big fall came, I did the only thing possible to cover it up. I did the worm.
I did the worm down the hall and through the commons, Coach C yelling at me to get up, laughin.
Second Period: I aced my test, and I poured myself into todays work. Designing was a cynch for me, so easy. Not much to say. Legs still numb.
I found it hard to walk up the stairs, and even harder to breathe as I made my way through the hallways, the too-warm-for-comfort air pressing down my throat, the pounding of my heart in my ears. I barely made it to my science class without dying~ thudding into the chair, panting, I weakly opened my bookbag and pulled out my things. Soda included.
I gingerly sipped my coke and scribbled notes down on my paper, then before I knew it, I was writin a love letter, to Jayson. It went to the theme of Titanic, oddly. Right then, my heart sped up!
"I'm going to see Jayson this weekend!" I practically screamed! Several kids looked at me like I was crazy, and I blushed and sank into my chair, the cool of metal and plastic soothing me.
Didn't do much, just worked on a paper with a classmate, one who doesn't see me too fondly...
F-f-fourth!
History! Oh how Ironic~ just as my old school, I stil hve history for fourth~
I review over my notes, struggling hard to understand and absorb what is on the paper. And even though I studied my butt off over the weekend, I bombed the quiz with a 61. Great

Trey, a kid in my class, tugs my sleeve. "I got your hat, Enka." He smiles. Pulling out a grey fedora, and handing it to me, I got super excited.
"thank you!" I beamed, and put on the hat instantly. I was twins with him today, Tot dressed as Justin Beiber, and Kate dressed like me.
Let me describe Tot to you.
She's an Afriphilian. African American mixed with a Philip-eno. She's very small, B-Cup and she's got kicken legs. Thin and small, she's got crazy hair that's soft but super poofy~ Big dark brwon eyes, and a little nose, she's the cutest thing ever. No wonder she's a lesbian~

Fifth Block
Skipping through most of the chiz, Johen asked me today, what my dying wish would be if I had one.
He laughed when I didn't reply right away, "It'd probably be something stupid, huh?" But, I only smiled at him, sheilding the pain and sadness from his eyes, I only smiled, and said.
"You know, I've thought about what my dying wish would be, and honestly, all it'd be, ...it would be for all those who had cared about me, to forget me and move on, let me live in their hearts...." and I looked down at my paper, continuing to draw a girl held by the hands of demons. A tear threatened to fall. I held it back. Idiot doesn't know how hard he struck the chord of truth, and probably doesn't know how honest my answer was.

I came home today, sad and with the darkness on my mind. Something made my heart heavy, but what? I closed my eyes, laying on my carpet, to dream for a moment.

Mia.
Don't let... ...go..... ...love ... can't.....please Mia you must..s....alive! Do.. hear me?! ..ay ali..!!
"what?"
...only...love in this... wo..world...
"please.. I can't understand you.."
MIA!!!!!
Mia screams at the top of her lungs and falls backward. The earth is wet with her tears, her hair sheared off to her neck, her body bruised.
E..cape this.. ni..ght..are yo.. must go on... d..n't die.. not yet!


"If I could have only one wish..."
"It would be to remain eternal..."
"Even if I must die..."
"Let me at least die in peace.."
"Please Don't Forget!"

Enka bursts into her room on a Friday afternoon, clutching her heart as her bags and hair go flying forward from the momentum and force of her crashing to her knees. Red skirt flayed outward, black leggings riding to her calves, blank tank shoved halway up beneath her black and white jacket, her eyes drip a salty liquid. Ruby red lips part wide to emit the loud gasps that suffocate her cries. Dirty blond hair clings to her damp cheeks and chin, fire and pain in her lungs, shaking hands drop the bags and books, just as a scream lets itself loose. A blood curdling scream escapes as she doubles over in pain, holding herself together with her arms tightly wrapped around herself, she cries and cries. Tears hot and stinging run down her cheeks and hot damp breath fills the void she creates.
"I'm dying.." she gasps, hands outstretched, she retches up vile tasting slime, sputtering like a deflating balloon, thick black jets of blood spray outward. The taste is like rusting metal, iron and putrid. Her stomach rolls around again, and as she drags herself to the bathroom, she hurls up another gush of blood.
"Not.. yet.." her vision begins to fade. A throbbing dullness fills her skull, and just as the cold tiles press to her finger tips, the slick thick slime of blood has done its purpose, clogging her to suffocate her, she collapses, nearly unconcious as her body convulses. Wave after wave, gurgle after gargle, little specks of life paint a cruel bloddy smile, and she herself, rolls to her back, coughing and sputtering, hand holding a peice of crumpled paper in her hand.
Mom.. she whispers, and then blacks out. Her hand, scraped and raw relaxes, and from her bruised fingers, falls a letter.

Jayson, I'd waited so long to see you finally, and I'm so happy I got to see you now, I wrote this during class today, so that I could give it to you on Sunday, then you'd read this, and know how much I love you. I'll go home today, pack my stuff and your gifts, then as we drive up, I'll draw pictures of funny things. By the time you read this, I'll already be back on the road home (hopefully) thinking of you and holding you so close. But, please, forgive me all right? I love you Jayson, and even when I leave Sunday, just remember what we did, the fun we had, how my hand felt in yours. I leave my heart and soul to you, so take good care of me, I love you more than anything in the world,

-Enka

"Enka? Enka!? ENKA! NO!"
"Honey? Honey please..? Get up?"
"Oh god... Lloyd.. our baby.."
"Bug, get up... Wake up.."
Father..? Mother..?
A sliver of light entered my vision, a blurry, slow-motion picture of my mother and father kneeling over me. My mouth seemed stuck to itself, my tongue glued to my teeth, my jaw ached, my stomach lurched, my nose was filled with mucus, and my eyes were rolling marbles.

"Oh my god! Enka! Baby-girl!" I felt my mothers arms wrap around me, and hold me close, I gargled a little and found it near impossible to lift my arm. When I managed to force movement, I touched her elbow, and strained to see her.
"M...mom.." a tear leaked out of my eye, as several fell from hers. Closing my eyes, I tried to remember, anything that had happened, why was I hurting so bad, and what was this horrid taste in my mouth.

I blacked out again, awaking to the cold papery feeling of hospital scrubs. Hospital? HOSPITAL!!! NO!!!
"NO!" I screamed, dried bits of blood flew from my lips as they cracked and started bleeding, I weaking sat up and tried to scratch the IV out of my arm.
"No!!!!" I bawled, tears clouding my vision. This isn't happening! This can't be happening! I.. I was just fine an hour ago! No!!!

"Stop that! Doctor!" a nearby nurse shrieked.
Fuck that, no! I almost died, again, and now they'll keep me here forever.. again...
"P-please," I gasped, it was so hard to breathe. "Mom.. Dad... Jayson..?" I cried, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Rinca! Innjeh! Nii-Nii!" I sobbed, slumping back into my bed, finding my face with my hands I curled up and cried. I cried for what I had lost, for what I will lose, for what was never mine. I cried for the good in life, and for the bad, for all of the memories I'd made, and all of the smiles I shared. I cried so hard, it nearly knocked me out again.
The cold of the IV was replaced with a numbing feeling.
Sedatives.. oh no...
"Rinca!" I screamed, pulling at the sheets. I knew better then to fight the ones who had total controll of your blood streams. "Mom! Dad! Jayson! Rinca! Selena! Innjeh! Nii~Nii!" I screamed again. Just then, a stirring in my brain.

I told you, this is what you deserve, my love~ hehehehe...

Fuck you blue demon! FUCK YOU! the darkness started closing in, and as blood dribbled from my chin, I mouthed the words,
"I love you.."

What is time...___________________________________is there a real definition?
is it something _________________________________to cherish with all your heart?
Is it a valuable? ______________________________or is it our damned right?
Time is really weird __________________________slipping through our fingers.
Time is really mean...._______________________ vanishing without a sound.
time..time..time..time.....___________________.....time.. time.. time...
It isn't to be wasted or to ________________ let be lost...
So then what is it for exactly?___________ Whatever it is.. who knows.
....time..time..time..time..time..time____...time..time..time..time....
Time is something enjoy, it is ___________ a gift to us all.
Spend time as though you _______________ will never get it back... because you wont.
Use it as you'd use your ___________________ life, fully and without regrets,
Understand time is not______________________ anthing you can control,
Time comes and gos _________________________ as it pleases, no stopping it
Whatever time is _____________________________ I'm running out of it.

Time is without an end.

Cool hour glass.

*glares at him tail twitching slightly, by the look of her wet cheeks and ruffled hair she is not happy*
Kazu, you might've missed the point... it is not about finding out time, it is the point that whatever it is, it is precious, and I am running out of it.


D: Please know that this is in response of what Enka would say >< but very thoughtful response :3)))