Broken book of dreams.

Hello my small darling *Smiles evily and twitches my big fluffy tail* I am watching you!!! Hehehe loving the story!

*smiles* thank you.

"Go away!" My voice rang out like a thousand breaking glasses. Drip.. Drip.. blood puddled on the floor beneath me. My throat being teased, tempted by the warm floods of crimson that filled and spilled from my mouth. Fangs, sharp as glass and tongue quick as a whip, eyes wide open, pain outlining my eyes in miraculous colors, skin white as ivory was being stained by tears as I fell to my knees. "I-I don't know what I've done!?" I screamed again. "Please forgive me!" I pleaded. But the weight, massive, warm.. increasing on my shoulders, the needles digging into my shoulders. Ebony fur glossy in the low lights, fangs by my ears. "You're leaving.." it whispered. "Yes.." I murmured. "But I dont want to!" I quickly added. The large black cat increased his weight upon my weakened frail body, which collapsed beneath his sleek body. Sputtering nonsense in the blood from which left my own lungs, I desperately tried to breath. "You can't leave.. Please.." he pleaded. "Please!" a golden brown eye was beside my own hazel eyes, deep, dark, hurt. They appeared sleepy but I knew better than to assume that. "Nii Nii I cant..! I have to go!" I cried out. The feline withdrew his massive body from mine. Crouching beside me, as i lay cripple in the cooling blood. My eyes never leaving his. "It's not like I want to.." I murmured. "Just.. remember.. Death is inevitable.. all we can do is move on and keep our memories fresh.. remember? You told me that Nii nii.." I gasped as my lungs started to crash upon themselves, drowning. Funny how the essence of life was killing me, hehe. Sad eyes, whiskers down. Black fur. I'll never forget the slant of his eye lids today, how sad he seems. "I love you.." the words bubbled out like trapped air in a sinking plastic bag. Struggled, trapped, and barely noticed.

"Mia.." He said softly. "See ya around.." He finished. And then my world was gone. "Enka? Enka you okay?" Zaya, my bestest male friend (other than my lover Jayson) asked. "Huh?" I replied, dazed. I found myself in the car of Veroni. Yup. You remember her, the girl who was a jerk to me? Yeahhh.. told ya we sorta made up I guess. Cause I'm in her car, heading to Chickens Church, a gass station with amazing fried chicken. "You sure?" he asked. But I was lost at the moment. The window was down, wind whipping through my hair, my collar chiming, my jacket blown open slightly exposing the half grey half black tee shirt I was wearing beneath. "Uhh.. yeah.." it was barely a murmur. Why was I being so silent? I wondered this as I ran my hands over the seat, feeling how soft it was. The scent of the car filling my nose as I closed my eyes. I listend to Zaya sigh worriedly then heard him look away. Yup I heard his body shift ever so slightly. I thought back to earlier, two hours earlier. I was sitting on a blue bench in the commons of my high school, infront of the vending machines watching painters do their thing with my other close friend, Selena. You remember her right? She's the cat-like girl? With the bust like Innjehs? Well, we were sitting there, doing our own thing. She was munching on a bag of potatoe sticks, and I, on a honey bun. Both of us sipping on tropicana orange-ade, all of these products bought from these over pricey vending machines, by Selena. Blinking sleeply, I remembered that I walked Selena out to her boyfriends car, hugged her buh-bye, then went back inside. too far. Skipping ahead, I remember being inside the auditorium, listening to GLEE sing, and waiting until they were done. But, I did sing along to a song, "Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, five hundered twenty five thousand moments so dear! Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundrend minutes, how do you measure, measure a year. In daylights? In sunsets? In midnights? In cups of coffee," I sang softly to myself. Nope still too far back. Skipping even further, I remember climbing into the backseat of Veronis car and riding off. I think i was talking too much, because Zaya told me to hush. So i did. Hah! I just realized why I was so quiet!
"Little one.." Zaya growled softly. I looked over at him, still kinda out of it and mewed. "Yes my Nii Nii?" I offered him a smile and laughed. "I"m just being quiet like you told me too~" Then looked back out of the window. I felt his stare on my back and I felt bad. "Gomen.." I whimpered. Looking back at him. He gave me a half smile, the sentimental one and I felt nervous so I hid my face. Jayson, I love you so much.. I hope you know this.. and I looked over again at Nii Nii, his eyes deeply stirred in thought. "You okay?" I asked, but he started leaning in, I felt my heart pound as his face neared me, "wha-?" I began and then the sharp pain of his teeth crushing my arm seared through me. Yelping I screamed inside as the pain shattered me and I hid it with a laugh. No one knows this, I have a high pain tolerance, as in, I can hide it. But, it hurts me it hurts me so much.. I wish I'd be touched gently, that hugs wouldn't make my ribs feel on fire, that running didnt set my brain on fire.. Jayson.. Rinca.. help me.. "Get off!" I laughed, the pain feeling like little fingers of glass tickling up my arm into my neck then plunging into the deep muscle. I managed to wrestle his head away and growled at him. He only smirked. Narrowing my eyes, we did the telepathic thing we have, spoken through blinks, eye brows, and positioning of jaw, snaps of teeth, and jerking of jaws or neck. >gotcha< he said. >jerk< i snapped. >You.. okay?< raising an eyebrow tilting his head slightly. >just fine hehe< nodding and smiling.

"Way to be a jerk!" I screamed as I threw my sketchpad across the room, panting heavilly. Tears threatening to spill over my eyelashes onto my heated cheeks as i snarled beneath my frustration. "I'm so fucking sick of you being this way to me! I've put up with it for long enough! Stop talking to me like I'm some god damned lesser filthy bitch! God DAMNIT Rinca I'm not your fucking toy!" I scream and fall on my bed. Is it so bad of me to feel this way? IS it such a horrible tragedy to want to scream at someone you love? All I ever do for her is try and be the good friend, be there for her, I love her but yet.. she treats me like.. shit. She's only nice to me, when she gives a damn, when she feels like its alright to be nice. Have I ever treated her any different whenever I was upset? Have I ever glared or snarled at her? Have I ever fucking ingnored her? Hissed at her? Avoided her? Done anything to be a snob? No.. I put on a damn happy face and smile for her. Sure. I act like it doesn't hurt. I act like I dont wanna punch a wall when she hisses and cringes from me. I play it like a joke whenever she raises a hand to bat me. I never tell anyone how badly she hurts me. Ever. She doesn't believe I love her. Does'nt think I care. I've always been there for her, always supported her, always trusted her, love her, done everything I could/can to please her, make her happy. And what do I get in return? Nothing. I grabbed my collar, my necklace, the ribbon from my wrist. "IF you really want me around Rinca.." I said softly. "You better fucking tell me.." and I laid everything gently down. Tucked it away. And stood up. "Am I nothing to you?" I asked. "Am I just a pawn? Another person you're gonna shove away?" I panted. "The one time I let my irratation show, and you go being a.. a..." The word wouldn't come.. -bitch- i couldn't call her that.. "I fucking needed you! I rarely rely on you! Because I don't want to make you feel trapped.. I didn't come to you when I found out my brother was in a crash. I didn't dare come to you when I got lost. Never told you that kids hurt me. Never asked for help when I needed it. But the one time, the one time I really needed you.. God.. I thought back to the recent moment, "Youre so adorable!" I posted on Skyde. Freaking out because I knew she disliked it, I changed it to awsome.
SoraRinca: *glares* Hate it when you say that..
Me: I said awsome god damnit.
Me: Don't glare at me
Me: it was a stupid comment.
SoraRinca: *glares*
Me:*compliment
Me: *fur bristles* Meh.
Me: Not in the mood today.
SoraRinca: Yeah well neither am I.
--SoraRinca has logged out---
So thats how its gonna be.. thanks. Well folks, recently I have found out my brother has rolling amnesia, a girl who was my best friend tried to break me up from Jayson by saying I had an affair with some boy I don't even know, a few days ago I went to the hospital.. my illness is getting worse. "She's got less than 90 days before it steps up.." The man in the stale white scrubs said. Looking at me, my brown eyes i felt shift nervously. "Well.. what can we do..?" my mother asked. "Just.. try and stay positive, there is no medicine we can give, just good thoughts, good enviornment. I'm sorry ma'am." He said, false sympathy. Haha, I'm dying.
I sigh and look back at everything I said.. Did I mean this? I Don't think so.. Better leave an appology message.. I think. Then the icon of Skyde comes up, SoraRinca is online. Great. I sigh again and look at my saphire shiny phone, no messages.. Where is my Jayson? Where is my Nii Nii? Where is Selena? Does anyone ever text me or call me anymore? Or do I always have to start the conversation.. tch. I wonder if everyone in my life knows they're worth something to me... Jayson.. Innjeh, Rinca, Nii Nii, Selena, Shell.. God.. you all mean so much to me.. I.. If I could say something to you all right now, it's "Don't miss me when I'm gone.." cause no matter how much you pray, you cant bring back whats untouchable.. Just like I still cant catch the sky in a bottle, or a cloud in my hand.. But.. soon I'll be in the sky, hopefully.. Love you all..

*Tackle hugs you and licks your cheek my huge nonanthro form almost twice your size* You Know we all love you! Hell your like the shy little sister I never had! *Nuzzles and holds you in my huge paws*

Nyahooooooo >//////< thankies and stuff but mrrrr... v.v *tail sways slowly and whimpers* I love you too~~~~~~~~~

Luna~*hugs you softly*I LURVE YOU~^^

Thank you so much Innjeh! *hugs back tightly whimpering, eyes watery and sniffs* I love you too!

Laying my head down, sleep in the back of my thoughts, I rolled over and sighed. "What am I doing.." I asked. Then my eyes shut out on me and I feel down the stairs of conciousness alway to the inky pit of sleep.

Lunar Wolf wrote:Thank you so much Innjeh! *hugs back tightly whimpering, eyes watery and sniffs* I love you too!

You don't have to thank me if i mean it and i do so NO THANK YOU'S! XD

Lunar Wolf wrote:And thank you Momo :3 you're the only one who reads them.

not true. i read it. the beginning almost made me cry TT, and it gets better later on. keep up the good work!

see people like your stories^^

Tears fill my eyes as I left school early today.. I'm in the car with my mom, sitting in the passenger seat looking out the window. Nii Nii's birthday is tomorrow, 17. Hehe.. at least he'll be around long enough to make it there.. Sadness stirs up feelings I never want to feel. The ride is silent, quiet despite the humming of the car. My brown eyes show no sign of thought. Here we go again. Back to the hospital we go again. I sigh and lean my face against the window as we arrive. Lazilly i get out of the car. I followed my mom like a good girl. Kept quiet. Waited for the doctor to call. "Should I come in with you sweety?" my mom asked. I shook my head no. She didn't deserve to see me cry, to see me suffer. So I put on my best smile and laughed. "No mom, It's alright, I'm a big girl now, okay?" I said. Kissing her cheek I turned away from her walking into that cold room. The room where screams are made but never heard. Where blood just runs to that perfect little drain. Walls wiped clean of fluids that should always remain INSIDE someone.. Sitting in the papered chair, the nurse comes beside me. Strapping my arm down she gave me a sympathetic look. I could tell she felt sorry for me, unlike the doctor, who felt sorry for himself, sorry that its his job to make me bleed and insert the necessary tubes and needles, because who wants to make a little girl hurt so much? I only smiled at her and looked away, not flinching at the sound of the glove fitting tight to his hand. Taking in a deep breath as I felt his cold grasp on my shoulder. "Ready?" he asked. "like I have a choice.." I breathed. "I beg your pardon?" his voice irratated me. "Oh, sorry I said 'of course' hehe!" then the pain began. I didn't cry, didn't scream. However, I couldn't stop myself from the blood flowing, but i could stop my mother from seeing me.

"How'd it go..?" she asked. I rubbed my elbow and giggled. "Its fine, I'm alright." I sat down and waited. Pretending to be occupied, the doctors thinking I wasn't paying attention. They're ignorance pissed me off.. I listen to him tell my mother that my illness is only getting worse. "Her friends might not make it to see her 16th birthday.." he said. My mothers face remained cement. Hard unchanging and permenant. Dying all the same, this world is falling apart, and so is mine.

Q^Q..u.u

v.v I wish more people would read, is my writing that bad < . . >

no just not alot of people vist the fanfic section and not a lot of people come on

But Kit and Ai have read your stories v.v nyahhh..

Not on the site only at school

But they messaged here D:< HAU AU

I go home that night. Missing school my friends. I'm in the car. How depressing I feel.. My body living but dead inside.. The only thing alive is my brain, but even that is being eaten away day by day, just like my blood is runnning cold and dry.. my lungs refusing to expand, my heart struggling to beat, and the everlasting fire in my belly.. the cursed intestines I was born with, damaged just like the rest of me. I'm thinking this, as I catch my image in the mirror on the side of the car. Who is this girl? With her large brown eyes, expresful eyebrows, those small lips, crimson and motionless. Her short brown hair streaked blond, framing that saddened face. She looks so lost so helpless. But when I look into her eyes, deep brown.. They're ever so clear, fearce... alive. What do I have to feel sorry for? Why am I so down? Pain whips me across the back as I feel confusion. My emotions rip through me. AM I Supposed to die, again? Can I never just live once? Isn't it enough that you've stolen my soul again and again? How many times must I bleed god? How many blankets and pillows must be stained tears, how many walls should peel from my screams? Will you not be happy till you've destroyed my world again? Does this bring you pleasure? IS it some damned test again? Well I'll tell you one thing.. this life is different some how.. Because this time, I'm not alone, God. I have friends this time, friends who may remember.. This curse I live with? I'm going to break it, I will not die again.. not so soon this time. I will die with a complete life. You will not rob me again~! "Hon..?" My mothers voice interupts my thoughts. "hon! You're bleeding!" she gasped. I shook my head and looked down at the pain in my arm. My nails had ripped my skin, and little beads of crimson began to form. "How pretty.." I whisper. Thes orbs that bring life, they also carry whats killing me.. and me alone.. Part of me wants to let it keep flowing, till all that death is gone from my veins and maybe then, i can rest. "Stop it, don't touch it. We really should cut your nails." she said calmy. But, I could see the panic in those warm eyes. "It's nothing mom, really. I'm sorry I didn't mean to do that, I think I was scratching too hard." I lied. "At what, my love?" turning onto our street, she glanced at me once. "I dunno, I guess my skins just dry~." Like the rest of me, I thought. "well.. Still lets take a look at it arlight? I dont want you to get an infection." Please.. Since when did minor things like this happen? Nodding I looked back out the window. Stop being such a bitchy little whelp.. Nii Nii's birthday is tomorrow.. You'll be with Selena and Simi by this time tomorrow afternoon, and then you'll go with them to a dinner with Nii Nii and have a great night! Smiling I fixed my little issue. I'm happy, I'm happy for my mother, for my friends, my loved ones.. "Hey mom?" I asked as we pulled into the driveway. "Yes?" she replied, opening her door after taking out the keys. I watched her, in those movements. "Thanks, thanks for loving me.." I got out silently and went inside. I could hear her start crying just before I shut the door.

*ish speachless*u.u

please don't cry momo D:

I won't!*starts to tear up*Q^Q

I go to bed, after slipping into my pajamas, a tee shirt and panties. Both white to represent my innocence. Closing my eyes I drift away into a restless sleep..

The next morning, I yawn to myself softly. Forgetting who I was, I had to think really hard for my memory to come back. Oh yes, it's friday! I yawn and flip open my phone, texting Nii Nii "Happy Birthday! Mom's giving us a ride!" and then flop on my back looking up at the ceiling and thinking of him and today. Jayson fell asleep last night, hope he slept okay.. The buzz of my phone alerted me, and I saw the time 6:32. He'll be here any second, I thought as I read his message. "Whoo hoo! I'll be there in a minute." Sighing my mom came in again, "Get up! Don't you wanna make your Nii Nii scrambled eggs before he gets here?" I groaned at her offer. I love Nii Nii, with an intensity, not the same as I love Jayson, but I still would kill someone or myself for him. Falling out of my bed, I heard the deep voice resonate through the house. Nii Nii.. Yawning softly, I pulled on a pair of jeans, black and went down the stairs slowly. To see Nii Nii standing in the living room, looking adorable and clueless. "Happy Birfffday.." i mumbled and fell on him arms wrapping around his waist. He hugged me back and stood me up before I stumbled off and grabbed a shirt off the wrack by the sliding glass door, found my way to the bathroom and changed shirts. Looking at myself in the mirror, I sighed and ran a comb through my hair, brushed my teeth but as I was squeezing the crimson paste onto my bristles, I listened to Nii Nii laugh at the TV. I giggled and thought about today. Finishing up, I dried off my mouth and after washing my face I ran out and tackle hugged Nii Nii. Then came into the kitchen, my feet freezing on the cool tile. I gave him his card, sat beside him and nuzzled his shoulder. gave him necklaces and a pin on his green shirt. Went to school, went home with Selena. Picked up some books after getting a mocha frap and a snack wrap at MC Donalds. Found out that Selena and Simi would gladly play with me, she started her period after we got the books. Came home, got her a pad, went upstairs, laid around. Selena almost raped me, as usual.